When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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