So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
