Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
