Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
