you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
