I love black thongs
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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