I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
