i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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