I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
