also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
