hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
