Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
