Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
