Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
