how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
