Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
