my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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