I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
