There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
