she was so not down for the gang bang
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I need a burrito and a hug.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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