Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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