So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
