I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
