Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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