just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm both gender and math confused
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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