Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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