when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
