We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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