i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
