First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
