Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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