Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
