Quick, to the slutcave!
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
