Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
