I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
