You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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