So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
