I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
