this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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