You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
