So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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