I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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