"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
