I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
