i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Sorry my hands just texted you
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
