Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
