Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
