Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Randomize
