just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
