I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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