You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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