Sponge bath it is.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
